I am a co-founder of Beat, a qualified, experienced psychotherapist and an eating disorders specialist. When I think about eating disorders it is of an illness that can completely take over the life of the sufferer. Relentless and self- punishing the longing is to feel 'in control', something that with all the rules and rituals never seems to be attainable, or at least not for very long. I can't think of another illness that can give you a sense of pride and achievement and in a flash this turns to despair!
Whilst your life may be full of eating disorder thoughts I suspect you 'kind of' know that getting to some magical weight or look will not make life 'perfect', but I do understand that it can really feel this way. These thoughts, like your need to feel 'in control' I believe have a function, I view them as an attempt to hide from more painful thoughts and feelings, ones that you may find difficulty putting into words. Whilst you may tell yourself you are 'in control' it's not true! Maybe the fear also has something to do with 'what on earth would life be like without my eating disorder', or who am I without it? The flip side is you remain lonely, pushing people away for fear of them interfering with your eating disorder, only to feel guilty about how you are hurting those close to you.
Working together: No matter how long you have suffered there is a way through this. My role is to walk alongside you as you seek out new possibilities in your life, a life where you are gentler on yourself and start to truly value yourself.
Life is uncertain: Moving away from your eating disorder means understanding why it is in your life, what purpose it serves. It's a journey and one you will not be doing alone.
My belief is that eating disorders is a label but it doesn't sum up who you are.
Call or email me. We start with one session, allowing us to meet, for me to learn something about you and let's see how we 'get on', therapy can't work without a good relationship.